Tag Archives: life

About Me

Alive is not living

September 8, 2010 – 11:51 am

School has started here for most kids and seeing my neighbors start high school is crazy. To me they seem so young and little even though some of them are taller than me. Except, being taller than me is not hard to do. As I look back I remember wondering how I would feel about not going back to school when it started. Well, I am not sad about it but I am feeling exactly as I knew I would feel. The feeling of, what the f*** am I going to do with my life now?

Who am I? Dont worry I know my name but I never really knew who I am. As I look in the mirror I never liked what I saw. Okay, that’s the worse example ever because I never liked my looks. Yeah thats right, if I was rich I would go get surgery to become the perfect puppet of our culture. Anyways, I could do it like in the movies and just drive or go away until I find myself but their is no guarantee that will work. Maybe I could do a math problem to figure it out but who am I kidding? I hate math so that wouldnt work. There has to be more to me besides my name.

Do I have a purpose? With all the chances I have been given in this world there must be one. I use to think everyone had a purpose but I am not sure. There are so many people without one in this world. People who wander around like zombies. I guess they havent found one yet or they have given up on looking. I will find my purpose or purposes somehow someway. Its really about making your purpose.

Where do I start? Starting is the biggest challenge. Its hard to know where exactly to start but is there really a wrong place to start? Starting anywhere seems better than starting nowhere. Exploring is always an idea. Finding where I belong. Where I will shine. Where my heart is.

Can I do this? Wouldnt it be great if I could say yes with confidence but all I can say is I think so. I will definitely try. I am unstoppable once I can do something.

Am I ready? I am ready to live but not ready for life.

So, it may take me longer than a lot to get my grips on life but I will slowly get there. I got the car which will help me get out there and explore. Just gotta build my motivation, self esteem and confidence. Have to find out whats out there for a unique gal like me. I have to create myself. Once I am created, world watch out!

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Photography

One day at a time

July 1, 2010 – 12:46 am

Since I graduated I feel like everyone (not my mom) wants me to be off to college by Fall. Its like a military draft. All graduate high school students must go to college by fall or you are doomed. I get how college is important. I get how its different from high school. I understand how college helps you in the future. I listen to all the people with their knowledge but no one seems to understand and listen to me.

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school

Graduation 2010

June 24, 2010 – 11:48 pm

Schools out for summer. Schools out forever! Thats right, I graduated yesterday and I am so proud of myself. Before graduation I tried to make the day go very slow because I was scared and had every thought of negativity about myself go through my mind. But I stayed strong and did not runaway. Everything went well and I had a blast!

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school

Senior year coming to a close

June 22, 2010 – 11:57 pm

I cant believe tomorrow is my final day in high school. The last day I will walk through that school as a student. I remember at the beginning of the year I thought the end would never come. Now, its just a few hours away and I just have memories flashing by me. Time doesnt slow down but I just wish it could for the last day. I am excited to graduate and be done but I am sad and scared at the same time.

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flowers Photography

Happiness with Yourself

May 25, 2010 – 12:24 am

I have some news about Lady. Good news! The vet called a few days ago and said the results came back and it is not a cancerous mass. Yay! It is probably just an irritation or infection from a cut or something she got. She is still wearing the cone of shame because we tried it without the cone and she went right back to licking it. Hopefully soon it will be fully healed so the cone can come off her and she can relax comfortably.

So, school is done in a month. A month! Holy smokes. Soon, all the school years will just be memories. Looking back, its kind of a miracle that I am actually going to graduate. A few years ago graduation did not even seem possible for me but I made it through. Now, people congratulate me and ask me what my plans are for the future. I know some people look down at me because I am not going to college but I know myself well enough that I would not survive in college. I may not end up the most successful person in peoples eyes but that to me does not matter. You know what is most important in life? Being happy with yourself. Think about it. If you are not happy with yourself and what you have accomplished within yourself than how can you ever be totally happy with life. Just something to think about.

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Photography

Our Sick Society

April 30, 2010 – 3:48 pm

. I came across an article yesterday about how the facebook group, ‘Praying’ For President Obama’s Death hits one million members. What! That pisses me off and is just sick. Disturbing! You may not like someone but wanting them dead is wrong. I know some people who hate somebody and wish they just got hit by a car or something. Let me tell you. I may dislike people but to me it is wrong to ever wish someone to be dead. Everyone deserves to live. I did not like Bush but I never wanted him dead. That is just not right and it crosses the line.

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Self Portraits

We All Have Our Scars

April 15, 2010 – 12:59 am

I got inspired to do this post from a great song called Scars by Allison Iraheta. The song is about how she tries to be what the guy wants but she has faults like everyone else. He keeps trying to make her perfect or find someone who is perfect. This is one of the things I do not like about our society and culture. Trying to form someone or yourself into the thing called “perfect”. There is not a person who is perfect in this world. We all make mistakes and we all have our faults. Its human nature. Like it or not.

I witness it in and out of school. People not liking someone because of faults. For example, I know a few teenagers who do not like someone just because of their looks. Their looks! If you are going to hate someone because they do not fit your picture of good looking then that is just wrong. Most people (including me) when they look at themselves in the mirror they do not like what they see. I could point out hundreds of things I would change about my looks and body but we forget where the true beauty is. The true beauty is inside of us.

Here are some of my faults and flaws: Short. Not skinny. Bad at math. Depression. Attachment problems. Hiding my feelings and thoughts. Being unique. Adopted. Love to eat. Doing stupid stuff without thinking. Crying. Being me. Not being a girly girl. Ugly. Dog Lover. Quiet. Loud. Etc… You are all probably thinking I am crazy for writing most of those as some of my faults. I do know though there are people out there who would put me down for a lot of the stuff that I listed. It has happened but I am not going to change to get into the “perfect” category. I do know that there are people who love me for most of the stuff on that list and that is what gives me strength to help me continue to be me.

Oh, I forgot! There are perfect people. Do you know who? The people who accept their faults, other people’s faults and live as themselves without changing. Dont let people who are negative about your faults bring you down. Just laugh. Why? Because those people have just as many faults as you do. Let me tell you something. If you think life would be better if you were perfect with no faults you are kidding yourself. Life would be boring. No goals. No lessons to learn. So, enjoy being imperfect because that is what makes you unique and special.

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school

College Not Needed

January 15, 2010 – 12:54 am

Walking into my school you enter a community of teenagers that all push to go to the best colleges out there. To impress and fit in. To discover who they are or to make their parents proud. It seems like when you are a senior, college is all you talk about. None stop. Personally, I hate the subject.

Do I plan on going to college? No, I dont. I know you all have something to say about that. Maybe how I should go. I might like it. Bla bla bla. I appreciate all your opinions and enjoy reading them but college is not my place. Why? I know what I want to do in life. Many teenagers my age dont but I have my passions. Plus, college would just be torturous for me. I want to get out in the world and experience it. That is how I will accomplish my dreams.

I would rather just get a job when I graduate. Pet sitting or something with dogs. Plus, I can always take a class to learn more about photography or dog training. I have always preferred working instead of school anyways. Its a known fact that a lot of kids just go to college to grow up. I can grow up in a job just as well. Also, a lot of teenagers are pressured into it by friends and family. I know how it is. Really, the only reason I was leaning towards college was because right now that is what makes you “cool” at this age. Saying your not going to college can make you feel like people do not think you are smart or will get far in life. Thats wrong though. I can get just as far or even farther as long as I push myself.

College is not for me. It is not my cup of tea. I visited a few of them and they just did not click. It is okay though. I have my mom’s support and her guidance. She is a mother who will help me if I dont go or if I do. My mom just wants me to be happy and succeed the best I can. So, right now there is no college in my plans. I prefer not to right now. It makes me stress if I feel like it is something I must do. I will show you that I can succeed with out it.

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Reflections

Hold On To Time

December 17, 2009 – 11:38 pm

Running and jumping on the playground at my elementary school is a memory that seemed to happen just yesterday. I started out as a Kindergartner there and now I am senior in the high school. It makes me realize how time can go so fast and the memories that you keep. My favorite memory from being in the elementary school is the parent visit day in 5th grade. My mom came in my class and was sitting next to me when she said we are going to visit this dog up for adoption. I can still feel the big grin I made on my face that day and it is an unforgettable memory since the dog she told me about became part of my family and Mills will never be forgotten.

Time flies by and memories are made, but I am going to recommend trying to hold on to time as long as possible. Dont just let it pass. Endure it. Do something before you lose the time to make memories. Memories are important to have to make us alive and to share with friends and family. You might regret not using the time right in the past, but do everything you can now that will make good memories for you.

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nature

Look Up

December 8, 2009 – 11:27 pm

Most of us are in such a rush to get where we are going in life, we miss out on one of the spectacular beauties of the sky. Stop. Take a breath and look up. You will never see the same clouds as the day before. Some days it looks like an animal of some sorts. At times the clouds can look just like a random odd shape but then other days the clouds can look like a painting on a big blue canvas. The beauty of nature is all around you, under you and above you.  So, my question of the day is what was your favorite cloud formation you have ever seen?

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