Oh my goodness. Its April and I graduate in June! Its so close. Did I just say close? All year I have been saying its so far away but if I think about it, it will be here sooner than I think. So, in my school the girls wear white dresses and the men wear suits for graduation. My white dress that my mom ordered came in the mail the other day. I tried it on and my mom said I looked beautiful. That really opened up my eyes about that I will be done with school in a few months.  I am excited and scared. Happy and sad. Ready and not ready. I am filled with mixed emotions about graduating.

Dont get me wrong. I want out but its gonna be a big change. Change has always scared me. Its interesting to watch my friends talk about how excited they are to graduate but then see the fear in them that they try to hide. You know. Since, its high school and you need to act cool and hide the emotions that seems like weakness. In my opinion, admitting that you are scared and unsure is healthier and will make the process easier.

My big concern is what the hell am I going to do after? Who will I be? Where do I go? I have already been searching for my life and purpose for years now. Maybe having no school will help me create the life I want or maybe I will feel like I really have no life. I do not know but I do know I have my mom and dogs to help guide me. I am so thankful for that.

So, I am going to get some sleep because I still have to attend school until I graduate. Hehe. Maybe, I will have a dream of walking in my white dress and seeing my mom in tears. Dont worry, I will make sure to get pictures of me on graduation. Me? In a dress?! Its a rare site. Something that happens only once every few years. Until then you can all wonder what I look like in a dress. Its a mystery. Hehe. Night night.