Yikes!

So there’s that.

I was diagnosed for 40 years with chronic depression. Then, in 1997 a doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder after 20 minutes in her office. So did another one and another.

So there’s that.

Finally, living with a mental disorder every day is touch. But, you can’t beat those
times when you’re in the “zone” of up – but – not – too – up.

Plus, I hate it when they say, “At least you’re not in a wheelchair.”

Mom – Thanks 🙂

Chloe – Thanks for your input and opinion. I am not one of those people who believes someone who says something. Cant convince me easily. I stay with my opinions and thoughts. I know Yasser is wrong on points. He says he knows but he doesnt.

I just wanted to clear that up.

One last thing… you rock! 🙂

love, m o m

Mauricio – Thanks for your input. I do agree you should not wear a mask all the time. That is not healthy. Can cause more feelings of loneliness and depression. I just do it a lot because I am still trying to be more open vocally. It is so much easier though for me to just express myself through writing. Thats what I do. It should help though because spring is here which means I can go on my long bicycle rides to get away and release energy. Yeah, I think reaching out for help is important. That is one of my issues. I dont reach for help most of the time. I feel like I have to do everything on my own. I dont know why. I have always been that way. Not needing help. Shutting people out. Gotta work on that and trying to change my views of myself because that doesnt help. Thanks again.

Very thoughtful post, I am not an expert in mental health but I have dealt with my own very mild depressions all my life. School is sometimes organized in a way that is a torture to you if you have to deal with mental illnesses, it is difficult for everyone too but it is not socially accepted to admit it. It seems that you have to wear your shiny-happy-people mask all the time and that is just not right.

Your description of what is it going when you have a depression (or bipolar disorder maybe, I’m not an expert) is very accurate including the element of guilt that is so strange because guilt seemed to be a moral issue. I think in most human societies the element of shame is also a big obstacle, and sometimes the shame and guilt are so impressed on you that you self-inflict you with them.

In my case the way I deal with my own emotional weights is to learn the most I can about human affairs. I don’t have time to read all the time, but I found that classic literature of sad mood (like Dostoievsky and Tolstoi) helps a lot to put things in perspective. Dealing with your emotions is about changing your perspective on the things that annoy you and drag you down. But I also read good mood (sometimes light) literature to keep my mind cheered up.

Someone said that the cure for apathy is curiosity and there is no cure for curiosity, I try to apply this basically reading a lot, listening to music, working out, staying outdoors, going to cultural events (even alone, no shame of being alone) and I fortunately have a challenging job with an appreciative boss.

I think that you are in a good direction learning to deal with loneliness but at the same time not quitting from human contact and human relationships. I think we need both things-loneliness and relationships-but sometimes we have to rely on ourselves with very little outside help. But reaching out for help is important.

I understand there is a biochemical switch in your brain that seems to work without your consent, but I guess that one way to cope with it is to have healthy habits like the ones you mentioned. My readings on the subject tell me that there is a lot of unhealthy thoughts that you need to eradicate with the help of a change in your point of view. At the end, there is pain but if at least your thoughts are not accomplices with your physical distress your life is a little better.

Best Regards,

Thanks. I already know what depression is. So we have to agree to disagree. Because you think I am wrong and I dont agree with your look at it. I do accept your view though.